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May I Have this Dance?

Why do we so fervently fear the experience of a broken heart?

The way I see it, we must fear it because of the fear. In and of itself, what’s so horrifying about the process of grief? 

Can the heart, and by heart I mean the symbol of spirit or true self, actually be broken? How can the unlimited and unbound be anything less than perfectly and eternally free? Free of pain, free of breakage of any kind, free of grief.

“Whatever suffers is not part of me,” A Course in Miracles reminds me. 

So I, the human, let the waves of grief come and go, without analyzing, fighting or resisting. I keep dancing despite the limp. I filter the grief through love, rather than through fear, by asking love to show me the real meaning and purpose of grief.

And as I keep dancing with the limp, love shows me that nothing real can ever be broken, lost or separated from itself. It only appears that way, only in the dream, or nightmare, of individual existence that we, hypnotized by fear, value so much.

Fear takes me to hell, while love grounds me in truth. 

So whether I laugh or cry, whether I gracefully glide or stumble with a limp, I ask and keep asking love to have this dance. And the next. And the next. And love always, always, always gently whispers…yes.

What I Cannot Love, I Overlook

“What I cannot love, I overlook.” (Anaïs Nin) 

This is it! This is exactly what A Course in Miracles teaches, “To forgive is to overlook.” This is the prize I’m keeping my eyes on. The gist of the practice, the jewel of the lotus, the way back home.

It doesn’t escape me how contrary to our conditioning this way of thinking and being seems. But from experience, I know that the conditioned ways of thinking and being can only bring about suffering. And I don’t know about you, but I’ve decided long ago that living in a self-imposed state of a lack of peace will not get me to peace.

Ask yourself this: If only love is real, then what are all thoughts, perceptions and actions (yours or someone else’s) that are not based on love? If only love is real, it must follow that anything other than love is unreal, and is therefore an illusion, a dream, a hallucination.

Now it makes sense to overlook what we can’t (yet) love because why would anyone in their right mind invest in illusions, dreams and hallucinations?

The first step is to recognize and admit to ourself that we’re clearly not in our right minds most of the time because most of the time, we do invest, and heavily so, in illusions. We do this by attaching to and analyzing and judging and condemning and worshipping so many things, ideas and beliefs, none of which come from love and none of which have any substance because they don’t come from love.

For the sake of experiment, try overlooking what you don’t love and would by default react to with anger, judgment or self-righteousness. Overlooking what we don’t love means forgiving which means we’re in our right mind. Doing the opposite means staying stuck in the familiar and wrong mind.

I could have taken this photo by letting everything be in focus. But overlooking most things in the frame, and focusing on one tiny part, I find the photo more beautiful. 

What if we could see only love and automatically discard the rest as illusion? The road to that point seems long and strenuous but not taking that road is certain hell, as we all know if we’re really honest with ourselves. 

Luckily, there is a better way.

Becoming

We the imperfect
the insecure
the human
step on our mats
and through the fire of the practice
while carried by grace 
we join together 
knowing there is no other way
and we surrender all illusion
even if just for a moment

Becoming

We the inspired
We the devoted
We the light

We remember
then forget
but only to remember again
over and over again
until the practice becomes 
the way we live and breathe 
in each moment

Wind Wisdom

Some people’s asshole tendencies come out when they drink tequila. The wind is and always has been my tequila. (Why, again, do I live in Reno?! LOL) It’s been an alcohol free hangover for me every morning for the last week.

It’s not just the relentless pressure in my head but the feelings of irritation and frustration and anxiety.

But it’s easy to blame the damn wind. And all the while, the wind doesn’t care. If it did care and could speak, maybe the wind would say: “Hey, if I stir up irritation and frustration and anxiety in you, don’t blame me, but look at the real source of those feelings in yourself.”

Hm. I’d say the wind has a point. 

Somehow we expect this very unstable world to give us stability. And we expect this very imperfect body to be reliable and even be a source of comfort. And most of all, we expect the mind’s default setting, the ego, to lead us to peace, when the ego itself is an attack on peace. 

I can very well walk around with a headache and jitteriness and still be at peace. The secret that’s not a secret at all is that I have a choice whether I identify with my body, and its master, the ego. If I do, I suffer. But I don’t have to suffer because I have the absolute freedom to unbind my mind, moment to moment, from this thought to the next, and one windy day at a time.

As A Course in Miracles teaches: “The power of decision is my own.” If we fully accepted this truth, loss of peace would be impossible. But if you’re like me, you may still need many lessons, which will look different on the surface but will all teach this same simple truth because truth IS simple: I’m either at peace or I’ve chosen not to be. What a relief it’s always up to me.

Ramana Maharshi said: “Everything in the world was my guru.” And I agree. The wind included.

Clear and Open as the Sky

May my mind be as clear and open as the sky today. 

How I show up, no matter what seems to show up for me, is up to me. May I choose against the insanity of the ego and show up with love, in love and as love.

Love is not only our deepest connection. It’s our only connection. And love is already and always there, underneath the dust of the person.

May I gracefully shift from person to presence, from illusion to truth, from fear to love.

May you see the light in me and remember that the same light is in you. 
May we all wake up and see that ultimately, there is no you different from me. 

Winter Solstice 2018

Hello darkness, my old friend…

The winter solstice is the acknowledgement and the celebration of the darkest night of the year. Yet most traditions and most people focus today on the return of the light. Why are we uncomfortable with and afraid of darkness?

Yes, light is what we are in reality. And in reality, there’s nothing but light. But within the illusion of time and space and separation, we have made darkness real and therefore it is real for us.

And it will be so until we stop repressing and denying our shadow and start simply looking at it with the eyes of patience and compassion.

The darkness in us is not an evil force but simply parts of ourselves that we mistakenly judged as bad and sinful and wrong, and out of fear of facing those parts, we threw them into the basement of our being and locked the door.

Going back into the basement and turning on the light, we see that there are no monsters there at all. 

But to get to the point of turning on the light, we have to first face the fact that there is a basement to begin with, and then go into it and face the darkness. Only then can we turn on the light and see that the monsters were real only in our imagination.

Darkness is not the problem, but our denial of its existence is. Darkness is not to be integrated, but simply looked at from a different perspective. Once the light is turned on, darkness is gone, just like a dream is gone once we wake up.

As A Course in Miracles teaches, 
“The light is in you. Darkness can cover it, but cannot put it out.” 

There’s nothing to fear. Time to start the uncovering.