True to my usual style, I signed up for a five day mediumship development training six months ago. This is not a beginners training (taught by the incredible Mavis Pittilla, one of the most respected mediums in the world), although there are some people here who humbly describe themselves as beginners, but most people in the group have been giving readings and many are professionals. I never even took a class or course on mediumship and have never done any readings. Why the hell would I sign up for this training?! I don’t know, really, but I do know that trusting that inner pull to do something or not do something has never let me down, no matter how ridiculous the idea seems to my ego mind. 

And the pull to learn more about this sort of thing has been in me for a few years. But unlike most people, who would probably take a beginners workshop or read books or do an online course, I decided to go for it head first. There’s a song by Moe. that goes “I always shoot first and then ask for names…” and I laughed at myself a few days ago, coming up here to the Villages in Florida because I felt exactly that way, but in a lighthearted and definitely not self deprecating kind of way.

About 10 years ago I got the same sort of crazy idea that wouldn’t leave me, and back then it was the pull to become a yoga teacher. I signed up for my nine month long yoga teacher training after less than six months of a sort-of-regular yoga practice at a gym and at home. I didn’t know Jack about yoga but that inner voice was more persistent than my ego was suspicious. And of course, these days it’s clear to me (and hopefully to my students too) that teaching yoga is what I was meant to do.

Today, which was day two of the mediumship training, I did my first ever psychic reading. I had no idea what to do because I never learned any techniques. So head first it was, and it freaking blew me away! First, how easy and natural information just started flowing. I had no expectations because I had zero experience or training, and maybe that was the best thing that could happen, at least for my type of personality, which is recovering perfectionist. I had a blindfold on and had no idea who sat in front of me but that seemed to make the inner senses wake up and go to work like it was no big deal. After the reading I was shocked to hear that most of the pretty detailed information I “saw” and felt and just knew was right on.

Maybe this diving in head first isn’t a bad idea after all. As long as the urge to do something comes from a place that’s way deeper than the fearful surface of the mind. That deeper place is the real you; the you that’s finally, even if just temporarily, stripped off of layers of fear, doubt and self shit-talking.

Appropriately, the photo below shows my view tonight and maybe I wouldn’t have noticed the mysterious and mystical way a simple lamp illuminated its surroundings had I not already chosen in my heart to not fear the darkness but dive in head first into the light, even if the beam of light initially seems too small and too weak to shine away the dark.

The question is not: am I brave enough to achieve this and that and become a better version of myself? Because that implies that I’m not good enough as I am and need things outside of me to improve me. The question is this: am I brave enough to follow the pull of my heart, even if and especially when I have no idea what I’m doing and what the outcome will be? The ego cares about accolades, achievements, embarrassment and status, whereas the soul just wants to show you that fear based thinking is just a silly misunderstanding that you can easily correct by listening to the quiet, inner voice that will always have your back.

What will happen for me in the next three days of this training? I don’t know, but whatever it is, I’ll not only take it but embrace it. And dive into it head first, of course.